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Premise:
Spacetime.Solutions is a satirical tech startup that "leverages quantum black holes" to solve the real problem plaguing modern engineering teams: the limitations of linear time. By inducing localized time dilation, our engineers complete months of work in minutes of external time, operating in relativistic sprints powered by gravitational agony. Cats serve as quantum stabilizers. Interns are replaceable. Deadlines are now measured in geodesics.

Why it mattered (or broke the spacetime fabric of my brain):
This project emerged from a desire to parody startup culture’s obsession with velocity, hustle, and productivity theater. What if you could increase velocity not through better processes, but by altering time itself? The result is a pitch-perfect satire of VC hyperbole, agile rituals, and quantum techno-mysticism: with cats. It also reflects how absurd productivity expectations can become when treated as a function to endlessly optimize.

What I tried:
I crafted a startup concept with a totally earnest tone, built around completely unhinged physics metaphors and productivity jargon. The pitch includes temporal engineering roles, spiral sprints, black hole standups, and references to time-bending feline overlords. It's designed to read like a genuine pre-seed deck with horrifying implications if taken seriously. It’s the spiritual successor to REMcoin and BSaaS—except now reality bends around the roadmap.